Care-Fronting

Care-Fronting:  a ‘face to face’ encounter, in which you name the infraction done against you by another, in a caring, rational. prayerful way.

Jesus encourages such encounters.  In fact “…if you enter your place of worship and…remember a grudge a friend has against you” – Jesus teaches in Matthew 5, “abandon your offering, leave…[and] go to this friend and make things right…” (Matthew 5:23-24, The Message).   For our tendency is not to care-front, but to wallow in angry, grumpy, crabby emotion.   There’s a great story about a wife who experienced such reality in her life.  “Did you wake up grouchy this morning?” - a friend asked.  No response -- so the friend asked again!  “Did you wake up grouchy this morning?”  “No” -- the wife sighed.  “I just decided -- to let him sleep in!!!”   But we mustn’t just let the grouchy parts of life ‘sleep in’ and ignore them.  We need to care-front the grouchy parts of life.

The Old Testament character Nehemiah shows the way.  In Nehemiah 5, Nehemiah is grouchy.  "When I heard their outcry [referring to the poor of Israel] I was very angry" (Nehemiah 5:6).  But Nehemiah went beyond grouchiness and care-fronted the nobles and officials of Israel.  “I told them, 'You are [charging]…your own countrymen [an interest rate that is too high]!' So I called together a…meeting…and said: “…'What you are doing is not right…Give back [to the poor] … their [property] and also the [excessive interest you charged]." (Nehemiah 5:7-9; 11). And the results were amazing; the nobles and official responded positively.  “’We will give it back’ they said.  ‘And we will not demand anything more from them…”  (Nehemiah 5:12).    

Now let’s be candid; this kind of positive outcome doesn’t always result from care-fronting.  But care-front we must, for the probability of a positive outcome doubles, if not triples – when we go beyond grouchy emotion, engaging the very people who’ve done us wrong.    A few practical suggestions for engaging, organized around the acronym – L.I.F.E. 

1) Listen.  Don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions; listen.   

  

2) Use “I” Statements, instead of ‘You’ statements.  Rather than saying:  “you’re a jerk for being consistently late for dinner” – say – “when you’re consistently late for dinner I feel like you don’t value my time and tuna casserole.” 

3) Foster Freedom and space for the other to respond, as they see fit.  Don’t force your opinion or insist on your way; allow room for the Holy Spirit to nudge and work. 

4) Be Expectant; be positive.  As noted previously, positive outcomes aren’t guaranteed, but positive outcomes are more probable, as we engage, as we care-front.  So, anticipate the best!   

For as David Augsburger points out, “…care-fronting is [the best conversation], loving and level conversation… [For it] allows each…to be genuinely loving, without giving away one’s power to think, choose and act.  In such honesty, one can love powerfully and be powerfully loving…” with promising results!