The particulars aren't important, but it's been a brouhaha, to say the least -- marked by discontent, confusion, and mixed message.
In discussing the turmoil with a colleague, he offered a mantra for addressing dispute and adversaries, I'd never heard before. When things are broken, out-of-sorts -- reach out, and be: fast, fair, and firm.
Fast
Most of us shirk when things are broken and 'out of sorts.' Translated: we procrastinate -- doing nothing. But time really is 'of the essence' in problematic scenarios -- thus we dare not delay.
In Matthew 5:25, Jesus references a legal dispute, but his coaching is applicable to any dispute: "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way..." (Matthew 5:25, emphasis added).
The determinant word in this text is ‘quickly’. As Dale Bruner notes, ‘quickly’ “…stresses the urgency of social reconciliation. Speed is the essence in Jesus’ teaching…” (Frederick Dale Bruner. The Christbook. A Historical/Theological Commentary. Matthew 1-12 (Waco: Word books, 1987) p. 180.
Reinforcing this truth, John Miller adds: “:..do not let charges and countercharges hang fire. Reestablish the bond of fraternity at once. Make friends quickly with your accuser…” (John W. Miller. The Christian Way (Scottdale: Herald Press, 1969) p. 49.
The determinant word in this text is ‘quickly’. As Dale Bruner notes, ‘quickly’ “…stresses the urgency of social reconciliation. Speed is the essence in Jesus’ teaching…” (Frederick Dale Bruner. The Christbook. A Historical/Theological Commentary. Matthew 1-12 (Waco: Word books, 1987) p. 180.
Reinforcing this truth, John Miller adds: “:..do not let charges and countercharges hang fire. Reestablish the bond of fraternity at once. Make friends quickly with your accuser…” (John W. Miller. The Christian Way (Scottdale: Herald Press, 1969) p. 49.
Sadly, most disputes are not addressed quickly; rather they are left to fester.
Fair
Many of us have been taught that we must win at any cost. Thus, winning becomes the ultimate goal, when things get unsettled and in dispute. But winning doesn't settle anything; in fact, winning makes things worst. No wonder, Ernest Campbell, in a famed sermon at The Riverside Church in New York City, postulated that a resolution system based on winners is fruitless, for ultimately when I win, we lose -- as your loss fuels your retribution and a next wave of discontent.
The alternative is a system of justice, rooted in fairness, modeled by the ultimate arbitrator: the Lord, God Almighty. Prophet Isaiah lauds and commends God's peace-making prowess:
Firm
I also love the emphasis (found above) on sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments. For working at win-win is not synonymous with weakness or being wishy-washy.
It is also not synonymous with indecisiveness -- but rather -- a commitment to move on. For a resolution of differences (albeit imperfectly, with all 'giving ground,' e.g. 'win-win') is to result in a new resolve, to advance forward.
Last Sunday, I heard metaphor for advancing forward, I'd never encountered before. The speaker mentioned that the human anatomy is created in such a way, that we can neither pat ourselves on the back -- or -- kick ourselves -- easily. This is by divine design, the speaker concluded, so that we are not distracted by either self-congratulatory -- or - self-flagellating behavior -- which tends to weaken our ability to move on.
Paul alludes to the wisdom of undistracted, firm motion in Philippians 3:
Can I just say it: living without resolve -- e.g. second-guessing ourselves, living in the past, 'licking' old wounds -- provides no life and no future.
To fester is to grow and spread, not in a good way. When a cut gets infected it starts to fester and smell bad. Emotional wounds stink too, like when you hold on to anger or pain until it starts to fester and explodes...Things that fester have a decaying odor, and bad feelings can have a decaying effect on friendships and the heart. Letting bitter emotions fester often leads to their getting worse. https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/festerSo, worst outcomes, come out of delay. But we can avoid worst outcomes. We can 'get going.' We can go directly to our adversary: readily, and rapidly. Matthew 18:15-20 is still the 'gold standard' for 'the going' -- coaching the advisability of witnesses (Matthew 18:16), the necessity of accountability to the Church (Matthew 18:17), and the option of moving on if all attempts at reconciliation fail (Matthew 18:17)
Fair
Many of us have been taught that we must win at any cost. Thus, winning becomes the ultimate goal, when things get unsettled and in dispute. But winning doesn't settle anything; in fact, winning makes things worst. No wonder, Ernest Campbell, in a famed sermon at The Riverside Church in New York City, postulated that a resolution system based on winners is fruitless, for ultimately when I win, we lose -- as your loss fuels your retribution and a next wave of discontent.
"...“Come, let’s climb God’s Mountain...He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.”...[God will] settle things fairly between nations. He’ll make things right between many peoples. They’ll turn their swords into shovels, their spears into hoes. No more will nation fight nation; they won’t play war anymore. Come...let’s live in the light of God." (Isaiah 2:3-5, The Message, emphasis added).God's fairness is best summarized as 'win-win.' In other words, an outcome where no one party gets everything he or she wants - but all parties get something of what he or she wants. According to the Stephen Covey organization, an individual or group that approaches a dispute with a win-win attitude, has three character traits
- Integrity: sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
- Maturity: expressing your ideas and feelings with courage, and consideration for the idea and feelings of others
- Abundance Mentality: believing there is plenty for everyone. http://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits habit4.php
I also love the emphasis (found above) on sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments. For working at win-win is not synonymous with weakness or being wishy-washy.
It is also not synonymous with indecisiveness -- but rather -- a commitment to move on. For a resolution of differences (albeit imperfectly, with all 'giving ground,' e.g. 'win-win') is to result in a new resolve, to advance forward.
Last Sunday, I heard metaphor for advancing forward, I'd never encountered before. The speaker mentioned that the human anatomy is created in such a way, that we can neither pat ourselves on the back -- or -- kick ourselves -- easily. This is by divine design, the speaker concluded, so that we are not distracted by either self-congratulatory -- or - self-flagellating behavior -- which tends to weaken our ability to move on.
Paul alludes to the wisdom of undistracted, firm motion in Philippians 3:
"...I do not consider myself to have “arrived”, spiritually, nor do I consider myself already perfect. But I keep going on, grasping ever more firmly that purpose for which Christ grasped me. My brothers, I do not consider myself to have fully grasped it even now. But I do concentrate on this: I leave the past behind and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead I go straight for the goal—my reward the honour of being called by God in Christ. (Phillippians 3:12-14, Phillips, emphasis added).And so what are you grasping firmly? What are you concentrating on? What is your resolve?
Can I just say it: living without resolve -- e.g. second-guessing ourselves, living in the past, 'licking' old wounds -- provides no life and no future.
As the story goes, Edwin Stanton, Lincoln’s Secretary of War, was angered by an officer who accused him of favoritism. Complaining to Lincoln, Lincoln advised Stanton to write the officer a sharp letter. Stanton did just that, showing the strongly worded document to the President. “What are you going to do with it?” – Lincoln inquired. “Why, I’m going to send it.” Lincoln just shook his head. “No, you don’t want to send that. Put it in the stove. That’s what I do with an angry letter. It’s a good letter, Stanton, and you had a good time writing it, didn’t you? Now burn it and write another!”
Where do you need to burn an angry letter? More importantly -- where you need to write a second letter -- an honest letter, but a health-full letter -- delivered personally -- that is fast, fair, firm -- in the light of God, in Christ?
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