Doubt

The topic is, yes, doubt. 

But it might surprise you, who doubts. 

To that end, try to guess the world-renowned personality who wrote the following letters of despair. 

“In my soul I feel…[a]…terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not existing (letter: 1959).  

”When I try to raise my thoughts to heaven, there is such [a] convicting emptiness that…[my]…thoughts return like sharp knives [hurting] my…soul.” (undated letter). 

“I am told God loves me, [but]…coldness and emptiness [are] so great, nothing touches [me]” (undated letter). 

“[I am] repulsed, empty: no faith -- no love -- no zeal… [no God].” (undated letter)…”   

The author? -- Charles Darwin, Marilyn Monroe, Christopher Hitchens, Anthony Weiner?   It's actually, Mother Teresa, who often had, in the words of the classic hymn, "...many a conflict, many a doubt..."  [for more detail, see:  Mother Teresa (writer), Brian Kolodiejchuk (editor), Mother Teresa. Come Be My Light: The Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta, (New York: Image Books, 2009) .https://www.amazon.com/Mother-Teresa-Private-Writings-Calcutta/dp/0307589234/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495484738&sr=8-1&keywords=Mother+Teresa]

If we’re honest: we all have, on occasion, "...many a conflict, many a doubt..."  Though it’s seldom acknowledged, most persons of faith, struggle with despair and uncertainty.     

In scripture, one of the most prominent doubters is Jeremiah.  

“O Lord you deceived me and I was deceived…the word of the Lord has brought me insult and reproach…Why did I ever come out of the womb…?”  (Jeremiah 20:7; 8; 18).    

Yet, Jeremiah goes on to become one of the most faithful prophets ever, as his doubt breaks open new discoveries of faith.

Why, in Jeremiah 20 Jeremiah is uncertain and angry – but in Jeremiah 33, Jeremiah is confident and ecstatic:

“Give thanks to the Lord Almighty for the Lord is good, his love endures forever…” (Jeremiah 33:11). 

But that’s what doubt does: it breaks open new discoveries of faith, taking us from anger to affirmation. George MacDonald says it best:

“A man may be haunted with doubts…only [to] grow [deeper] in faith.  [For] doubts are the messengers of the Living One to the honest. They are the first knock at our door, of things that are not yet, but have to be, understood.”

Any doubts knocking on your door?  Let them knock, for doubts are the very things that may open up, new aspects of spiritual depth and adventure.

William White tells of a seminary professor named Hans devastated by the death of his wife.  Why Hans was so devastated he lost his appetite, not wanting to leave his house. Well with that, four of Hans professor buddies went to Hans house, discovering Hans was not only not eating, he was not believing:  "I’m no longer able to pray” Hans said. “I’m not certain I believe in God anymore." 

Well, at first, Han’s buddies were stunned; but then one spoke up:  “Well then Hans: we’ll believe for you, we’ll pray for you!"  And sure enough, Han’s buddies did just that, meeting daily with Hans, asking God to restore his faith.  Well about eight months later, Han’s buddies went to pray with Hans as usual.  But Hans irrupted them.  "It’s no longer necessary for you to pray for me.”  Hans said with a smile.  “Today I’d like for you to pray with me.”  

It's a process -- often a long process -- involving supportive others.  But doubt -- even despair --  can eventually wind toward renewed rediscovery of the One who is, indeed, Almighty.  Thus, James encourages us: 

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault…” (James 1:5).

For God is not ‘taken back’ by our uncertainty; God welcomes our uncertainty, “hanging in” with us, without an ounce of rejection.  

It’s fascinating to see this trend in scripture. Why, in Genesis 17 Abraham doubts so severely, he laughs at God:  “…will a son be born to a man a hundred years old…” (Genesis 17:17-18). But God “hangs-in” with Abraham. “Yes…your wife will bear you a son…” (Genesis 17:19).   And in 1 Kings 19 Elijah doubts so deeply, he gets depressed, running from God:  “I have had enough Lord…Take my life…” (1 Kings 19:4). But God “hangs-in” with Elijah.  And then “…the Lord…touched [Elijah] and said, ‘Get up and eat…So [Elijah] got up…” (1 Kings 19:7-8). 

God’s still touching, meeting us, in our most doubtful hour.  

Once a Sunday School teacher asked her class to memorize the 23rd Psalm, to recite for a Sunday School assembly.  Well a month went by and the bulk of the class was doing well, but little Ricky struggled; why Ricky could barely memorize the first line.  Well, the day of the assembly came, and all the kids lined up and began to recite the 23rd Psalm from memory.   But then it was Ricky’s turn, and folks got real nervous; I mean everyone knew Ricky was afraid and doubtful.  But then it happened:  Ricky’s demeanor changed and Ricky marched right onto the assembly stage filled with the most amazing confidence, energy and spunk!   “The Lord is my shepherd!!” – Rickey proudly declared.  “The Lord is my shepherd!!  And that’s all I need to know!”   

That's all we need to know, especially in our doubting hours.  

For the Lord is my shepherd, “hanging-in” with me, “walking with me” -- patient with me -- even in uncertain places -- even in the valley of the shadow of doubt.