The Best Counsel I've Ever Been Given

It's a big claim:  but what follows is the best counsel I've ever been given.  

For what I am about to share, frees us from bane foolishness -- empowering us to be fools for Christ -- and not just fools.

My impetus for sharing this was seeing the new Churchill movie on Sunday evening, The Darkest Hour.    Central to the movie's plot line was the tug of war (no pun intended) between Winston Churchill and two members of his war cabinet:  Neville Chamberlain and Viscount Halifax.  In essence Chamberlain and Halifax argued that Adolph Hitler could be trusted to negotiate -- but Churchill passionately disagreed.  

To be honest: I've always been a Churchill fan, especially in regards to his conviction to never give up -- to never surrender.  But as I watched The Darkest Hour, it occurred to me, that as a pastor within a peace church (the Church of the Brethren), I should be siding with Chamberlain and Halifax.  

I mean:  you always negotiate, with whoever -- right?

Wrong.  Frankly, there are some persons who just can't be trusted.  Though it appears to be counter to Jesus to say such a thing, some persons are just not safe.  

Translated:  they're toxic, not capable of a fair, honest mutual exchange. 

I think this is what Jesus infers when he counsels his first followers:    

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves…”  (Matthew 10:16).

To be candid:  for most of my Christian walk, I've believed: to be Christ-like was to be innocent as a dove.  Always.   But in recent years I believe:  to be Christ-like is also be wise as a serpent.  Often. 

A turning point for me, was reading a chapter in Henry Cloud's book, Necessary Endings, entitled:  "The Wise, The Foolish, And The Evil:  Identifying Which Kinds of People Deserve Your Trust." https://www.amazon.com/Necessary-Endings-Henry-Cloud/dp/0061777129/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513100714&sr=8-1&keywords=necessary+endings+by+dr.+henry+cloud

Though Cloud believes all typologies 'break-down' at some point, he has found, as a Christian psychologist, these three categories of persons are especially accurate and relevant.

Wise Persons

For me wise people are mature persons, who neither think too highly or too lowly of themselves.  Rather, in the spirit of Romans 12, wise persons are persons who...

“…Don’t cherish exaggerated ideas of [themselves] or [their] importance, but try to have a sane estimate of [their] capabilities by the light of the faith that God has given to [them]…”  (Romans 12:3, Phillips)

The result:  wise persons are trust-worthy persons, because they are genuinely open persons.  In particular, they are open to feedback, a critical determinate Henry Cloud has found, that signals wisdom and maturation:  

"...for the person who does well, [who is wise] is, the one who can learn from his own experience, or the experience of others, [and] make that learning a part of himself, and then deliver results from that experience base..."https://drcloud.com/article/Wise_Foolish_or_Evil_Which_One_Are_You_Going_to_Be

For me, biblically, the wise person is a person who makes manifest the fruit of the Holy Spirit: "...love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control..." (Galatians 5:22-23).  The result: genuine security, creating transparency and openness.

And so when the light comes on for the wise person, the wise person welcomes and basks in the light, absorbing truth as a gift.  

Foolish Persons

The fool, on the other hand, does not welcome the light, but wants to adjust the light, to his or her own preferences and specifications.  In the words of Henry Cloud:

"...The fool...rejects...feedback, resists it, explains it away and does nothing to...meet its requirements.. He’s never wrong: someone else is.  Whereas talking about a problem to a wise person helps, it is time to quit talking about the problem with a foolish person and time to have a different conversation. You...[must] give limits that stop the collateral damage of their refusal to change, and ...give consequences that will cause them to feel the pain of their choice not to listen..." https://drcloud.com/article/Wise_Foolish_or_Evil_Which_One_Are_You_Going_to_Be  

Solomon's counsel parallels Cloud's, but is more pointed and succinct:  “…Don’t make yourself a fool, by answering a fool…”  (Proverbs 26:4). Translated:  stop talking in a normal, expectant fashion. 

You see, if you're a mature and open person (e.g. wise person)... 

"...it’s easy to assume that other people think like you. You think that they care about other people and how their actions affect those people. Since you have a concern about how what you do affects others, then it makes sense that everyone else is just like you, right?  The truth is that not many people take responsibility for themselves or care about how their actions are affecting other people..." https://drcloud.com/article/Wise_Foolish_or_Evil_Which_One_Are_You_Going_to_Be

Let that last phase 'sink in':  not many people take responsibility for themselves or care about how their actions are affecting other people.  For many people are foolish people -- who is the words of Paul in Titus 3, are:  

“…disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing [their] days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another…”   (Titus 3:1-11)

So, respond, accordingly:  in serpent-like -- not -- dove-like manner.

Evil Persons

But our serpent-like prowess is especially needed for this last category:  evil people.  For there are not only persons who don't care how their actions affect others -- there are persons who are out to actually harm others, for personal gain and benefit. 

Winston Churchill knew this about Adolph Hitler.  Neville Chamberlain and Viscount Halifax, did not.   Thus, their conflict and struggle.   

Henry Cloud's counsel for relating to evil people is raw and unflinching:  

"...go into protection mode, not helping mode...Do not hope for the evil person to change. Stay away, create the firmest protective ending that you can, and get real help to do it...Whereas you talk to wise people about problems, and you talk to fools about consequences, do not talk to evil people at all, period..." https://drcloud.com/article/Wise_Foolish_or_Evil_Which_One_Are_You_Going_to_Be    

[An addendum:  such a strategy is not an excuse for violence, however.  As I have advocated in other blog posts, there are non-violence options for addressing, and even, containing evil.  http://wwwpaulmundey.blogspot.com/2017/04/is-violence-ever-will-of-god.html / http://wwwpaulmundey.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-state-and-sword.html]

Scripture advises us to not be surprised by the reality of evil persons.  As Paul counsels, these last days...

"...[are] times...full of danger. Men will become utterly self-centred, greedy for money, full of big words. They will be proud and contemptuous, without any regard for what their parents taught them. They will be utterly lacking in gratitude, purity and normal human affections. They will be men of unscrupulous speech and have no control of themselves. They will be passionate and unprincipled, treacherous, self-willed and conceited, loving all the time what gives them pleasure instead of loving God. They will maintain a facade of “religion”, but their conduct will deny its validity. You must keep clear of people like this…”  (2 Timothy 3:1-5, Phillips).

And so, yes, really,  there are evil people.  And so, yes, we must keep clear of people like this.

For some of us, these categories are a 'body-blow.'  'I just never thought like this,' some of you are saying.  'How do I live this truth out -- practically -- daily?'

1. Don't Expect Everyone To Be Like You.   This is especially relevant (as alluded to earlier) if you tend to be mature and wise -- but -- are overly modest -- not viewing yourself as mature and wise.   And so you expect everyone to be descent, considerate and civil -- just like you.  But when they're not descent, considerate and civil -- you are caught off guard -- and often hurt.  God doesn't want you hurt.  So, don't be caught off guard. Expect three categories of people, not just one category of person -- as Henry Cloud suggests.

2. Avoid Being Either Naive -- Or -- Cynical.  It's so easy to fall into either extreme.  The prospect of being naive, has been inferred throughout this piece, if we live in denial of Cloud's three categories. But equally possible is being cynical, as we're too aware of Cloud's typology, finding a foolish or evil person 'around every bend.'  Scripture advises being neither naive or cynical, but rather, being vigilant and discerning.  As 1 John 4 advises:

“…Dear friends, don’t believe everyone who claims to have the Spirit of God. Test them all to find out if they really do come from God. Many false prophets have already gone out into the world…” 1 John 4:1 (Contemporary English Version, emphasis added).

3.  Conclude:  Christian Faithfulness Is Not Just Saying 'Yes' -- But Also -- Saying 'No'.   In particular, saying no to some people.  Technically called 'setting boundaries' (another bit of Henry Cloud wisdom) saying no to people is a vital part of managing 'two out of the three' categories of folk we encounter in life.  Once management guru Jack Welsh was asked to critique the leadership of Christian pastors.  'Frankly,' Welsh concluded.  'You have one of the worst relational diseases possible.  Too many of your have terminal niceness."  But not just Christian leaders, Christians in general.  And so faithfulness is not always spelled 'nice.'  On occasion (in fact, many occasions), faithfulness is spelled 'no.'  

And so, I pray, you'll find this counsel some of the best counsel you've ever been given.  

In particular I pray, it will help you steward your time and energy in a way that will better serve the Kingdom of God.   For though we are called to love all people and forgive all people, we are not called to be in relationship with all people.  

I truly regret this is the case.  To be precise, I grieve there are foolish and evil people.  I don't like the fact, there are people who are not open to true, trustworthy, 'upfront' relationships.

But one of the consequences of a fallen world is not only fallen people (that's all of us) -- but people who deny they are fallen -- following their own desires (foolish folk) -- or the allurement of Satan (evil folk). 

Don't be either naive or cynical about such folk.  Be discerning -- adjusting your 'yes' and 'no' accordingly. 

For God wants you wise -- and not hurt.

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Want more?:  click on the link that follows, and watch Henry Cloud himself, present his wise, foolish, evil typology in more detail.  https://vimeo.com/43777476