A Cure For Loneliness

One of the oddities of the English language is all the words that mean group. For example, we refer to a crowd of people, a box of crayons, and a pad of paper. But the most notable group names are related to animals. We refer to an army of ants, a kindle of kittens, a charm of hummingbirds, a congress of baboons a knot of toads, a movement of moles, and my favorite, a murder of crows!

We see a similar trend concerning the church as we enter into Scripture. Multiple names are used to describe us as the people of God. We're called "the assembly of the upright" in Psalm 111:1, "the branch of God's planting" in Isaiah 60:21, "the flock of God" in Ezekiel 34:15, "the fold of Christ" in John 10:16, "the congregation of the Lord's poor" in Psalm 74:19, "the pillar and ground of truth" in 1 Timothy 3:15, and "the lot of God's inheritance" in Deuteronomy 32:9. 

But my favorite is in Ephesians 2:19, where we are referred to as "God's household" or, more literally, God's family, for fundamentally, that's who we really are. Sure, the church is an organization, a gathering, a congregation. But at its core, the church is kinfolk related through the blood of Jesus. Once, we were not family—we were estranged. 

"But now in Christ Jesus," Paul goes on to clarify in Ephesians 2, "you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ" (Ephesians 2:13).

Such nearness and community are vital as we live in an alienated, lonely world. Last month, Vice Admiral Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, declared that we are now experiencing an epidemic of loneliness in this country. In 2021, 49% of adults reported having only three or fewer friends, compared to 27% in 1990. But loneliness is even more severe among young people. For persons ages 15-24, time spent in-person with friends fell from 150 minutes per day in 2003 to only 40 minutes per day in 2020, a drop of almost 70%. Facebook and other communication tools are valuable, but facetime is vital. In this fractured, lonely society, we've got to get closer, discovering a greater sense of family and community in Jesus.

Togetherness in the Lord contrasts with togetherness in the larger society. In the public realm, you're connected, you've got community because you are "somebody" or related to somebody. But in the church, you're connected, you've got community because of Jesus. Paul makes this clear in Colossians 3: 

"Here [in the church] there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all and is in all" (Colossians 3:11).

 In the church, there are no categories or classes, just oneness in Jesus. No black or white, old Frederick or new Frederick, educated or uneducated, rich or poor, just oneness in Jesus.

But it's tough because we categorize and label people—getting close to them or staying away from them because of how they look, who they know, and where they live. I grew up in the poorer section of Hagerstown, Maryland—the south end. The richer neighborhood was the north end, characterized by the more affluent folks who lived there. Growing up, I felt alienated from the north-enders, as we called them, typecasting them as snobs who belonged to the fancy country club, drove the big Buick Rivieras, and ate at the pricey restaurants. But then, one day, our family joined the Hagerstown Church of the Brethren, and everything changed. The Hagerstown Church of the Brethren not only had poor south-enders like me but rich north-enders, as well. And we ended up sitting together, worshipping, eating, and working together. We even danced together at one point because the first love of my life, in God's sense of humor, turned out to be a north-ender—a very rich north-ender, I might add, who I invited to my senior prom. But that's just like God; God loves to bring together folks who would never dream of dancing together, of being together. For as Paul reminds us in Ephesians 2, God in Christ... 

"has destroyed the…dividing wall of hostility" (Ephesians 2:14). "Consequentially, [we] are no longer foreigners and aliens [south-enders or north-enders, old Frederick, or new Frederick] but…members of God's household...with Christ Jesus himself, as the chief cornerstone" (Ephesians 2:19-20).

Becky Pippert tells of an upscale Oregon church marked by elitism and formality. One Sunday, their identity was challenged when an unkept young man with messy hair, a stained t-shirt, and holey jeans entered worship and walked down the center aisle just as the first hymn began. Apparently, there weren't any seats, so he walked down to the only place where there was space—on the floor right up front—where he sat. People were taken aback, but then things got tense. Immediately the head deacon, a very well-kept head deacon—starched shirt, well-groomed hair—started down the aisle. Persons were on the edge of their seats. Here comes the confrontation; he'll put the untidy kid in his place! But surprise, surprise, there was no confrontation. Instead, there was a transformation as the well-kept, starched, groomed deacon plopped beside the disheveled young man—the messy, stained young man—and sat with him for the rest of the worship service.

We, too, are to plop down and sit with each other, no matter the person, doing life together in Christ. The church is more than an organization or congregation. It is the people and kinfolk of God—a family—not based on appearance, status, position, or bearing, but a common acceptance, just as we are in Jesus, who is our Lord and wall-breaker. Such community is the best cure for loneliness, not just for us, but for all the disheveled, messy people everywhere who long to be embraced.