Write the Note, Make the Visit, Say the Words

Have you noticed that we tend to take each other for granted?

Once, I was back at the congregation where I served as an interim pastor for a summer. Visiting with an older member of the church, he talked about the recent loss of his beloved wife.

“Every night, when she was alive, we’d sit on the couch and read the newspaper—my wife on the left, me on the right—commenting on different things,” he said. “The other evening, however, the strangest thing happened. I sat on that same couch and read the newspaper, commenting on different things, and then, without thinking, I instinctively turned to the left, fully expecting my wife to respond and be there. But of course, she wasn’t. Then it hit me: I still live with the assumption that she’ll always be there.”

Many of us still assume that our loved ones will always be there, that our employment will never change, that our children will always be young, and that our friends will always be available. And then they’re not, and we’re left impacted and reeling. Varied lessons flow from such wake-up calls, including the sober conclusion: we tend to take our lives and the lives of others for granted.

Interestingly, the Apostle Paul rarely took anybody or anything for granted. No wonder he is constantly giving thanks in his epistles. In nine of his thirteen letters, Paul goes out of his way to itemize his gratitude for those involved in his ministry. According to pastor and scholar Kevin DeYoung, Paul was “…thankful for their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ… He was thankful for their love for all the saints… He was thankful for their steadfastness, especially in trial… He was thankful for their spiritual gifts… He was thankful for their partnership in the gospel… He was thankful for their history and mutual affection.”

Philippians 1:3–4 summarizes Paul’s intentional gratitude—his passion for expressing thanks:

“I thank my God every time I mention you in my prayers. I’m thankful for all of you every time I pray, and it’s always a prayer full of joy.” (Philippians 1:3–4, CEB)

I think Paul was fervent about gratitude because he knew loss. In 2 Corinthians 11:22–27, Paul describes shipwrecks, sleepless nights, brutal attacks, hunger, and difficult circumstances. Paul knew that life could “turn on a dime,” that life is a mist, to quote James 4:14 (NIV). So now is the time to give thanks. Now is the time to write the note, make the visit, and say the words expressing gratitude.

Author and pastor William Stidger tells of finally coming to this conviction. He decided to write a note of thanks to a beloved schoolteacher to whom he had never fully expressed his appreciation. In due time, he received a reply from this former mentor:

“My dear Willie, I cannot tell you how much your note meant to me. I am in my eighties, living alone in a small room, cooking my own meals, lonely, and, like the last leaf of autumn, lingering behind. You will be interested to know that I taught school for fifty years, and yours is the first note of appreciation I ever received. It came on a blue, cold morning, and it cheered me as nothing has in many years.”

Stidger was deeply surprised and moved, and as a result, he began writing many additional thank-you notes.

So, to whom do you owe a thank-you note—or perhaps a thank-you phone call or visit? After all, we're called not only to Thanksgiving as a holiday, but thanks-living as an ongoing pattern of being. But not just generally or generically. We are called to give and live thanks specifically and personally, expressing gratitude intentionally and taking nothing and no one for granted.

I shared earlier that about an interim pastorate I served in during the course of a summer. On my last Sunday, congregation members were invited to write notes of appreciation, gratitude, and thanks to me, and I received a whole slew of them. When I got home, I read every one and was deeply touched; I had no idea I had impacted people so deeply.

When I finished reviewing the notes, I started to put them in a file folder and tuck them away. But then I paused and thought twice, remembering the difficulty of some seasons. Instead, I placed them on a shelf near my desk so I could easily access them on difficult days. Can you guess how often I’ve pulled those notes off the shelf and reread them since my interim pastorate? Several times every week! I need gratitude, thanks, and appreciation more than I realize.

I don’t think I’m the only one. Everyone reading this blog needs to know they are cherished, treasured, and valued. So, like the Apostle Paul, remember the people in your relational world and express gratitude. 

Tell them, in the spirit of the Apostle Paul:

“I thank my God every time I mention you in my prayers. I’m thankful for you every time I pray, and it’s always a prayer full of joy.” (Philippians 1:3–4, CEB)

Reach out deliberately to express your gratitude to others. After all, we're called not only to celebrate thanksgiving as holiday but also as a way of life (thanks-living).

So write the note, make the visit, and say the words. Express your thanks, gratitude, and appreciation. Take nothing and no one for granted!