I get stuck easily.
Translated: it's hard for me to 'let go' -- and -- 'move on.'
I'm not alone. Any number of people I've encountered recently, find themselves mired in an emotional 'swamp,' that's 'yucking up' their lives.
The 'swampy elements' vary.
- Resentment. You got fired from your job and bitterness mushrooms, consuming you.
- Worry. You got a cancer diagnosis and anxiety is 'out of control,' 'sucking' you dry.
- Guilt. You got a 'horror story' (again) from your prodigal child, and sorrow stabs, piercing ''like a knife.'
- Nostalgia. You got another snub from your new neighbor, and homesickness soars, 'doing a number' on your heart.
Realistically, we don't move easily out of such 'yuck.' 'Swampy stuff' is serious stuff, not easily traversed or traveled through.
Yet, travel we must, because God is dynamic, not dormant; energetic, readily, 'on the move.'
It follows: if God is 'on the move', we must be on the move as well. The classic text is Isaiah 43:
"Cease to dwell on days gone by and to brood over past history. Here and now I will do a new thing; this moment it will break from the bud. Can you not perceive it? (Isaiah 43:18-20, New English Bible).Well...will we perceive it? More importantly, will we receive it?
A few moving tips, for progressing with life -- in spite of resentment, worry, guilt, nostalgia -- receiving, entering... God's new thing.
Moving Tip #1 -- Embrace The Depth And Complexity of Emotion
Frankly, I find that most Christ-followers greatly minimize, if not trivialize, the grip of emotion. Translated: we greatly underestimate the power of our central nervous system to generate feelings, sensations, compulsions that run counter to rational thought and faith.
Any number of biblical figures demonstrate the depth of emotion, especially the 'deep weeds' of anguish and depression. One prominent scriptural character is Jeremiah. Known as the weeping prophet, Jeremiah struggled with feelings of insecurity and defeat resulting in profound loneliness and despair. Jeremiah's words in Jeremiah 20 are illustrative:
"...Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed! Cursed be the man who brought my father the news, who made him very glad, saying, “A child is born to you—a son!” ....May he hear wailing in the morning...For he did not kill me in the womb...Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame? Jeremiah 20:14-18
Though we can't be certain, there's a good chance Jeremiah is depressed in this text, reminding us that even avid followers of God can find themselves in the depths.
We dare not minimize this possibility -- for minimizing emotional realities such as depression -- worsens depression, prompting persons to dive deeper into despair.
Though the causes of suicide are vastly complex, a common thread seems to be despairing emotion, such as depression, that is often downplayed, even ignored by persons surrounding sorrowful folk. But as William Styron, reminds us in his classic: Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness, we must not downplay dark emotion, for it is incredibly powerful in it's force and pain.
Though the causes of suicide are vastly complex, a common thread seems to be despairing emotion, such as depression, that is often downplayed, even ignored by persons surrounding sorrowful folk. But as William Styron, reminds us in his classic: Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness, we must not downplay dark emotion, for it is incredibly powerful in it's force and pain.
Apparently more of us think of oblivion as high profile suicides (like those of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, recently) increase, along with the overall rate of suicide, up 30% since 1999. https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/suicide-rates-are-30-percent-1999-cdc-says-n880926“What I had begun to discover is...that the grey drizzle of horror induced by depression takes on the quality of physical pain. But it is not an immediately identifiable pain, like that of a broken limb. It may be more accurate to say that despair...,comes to resemble...being imprisoned in a fiercely overheated room. And because no breeze stirs this cauldron...[and]...there is no escape from the smothering confinement...the victim begins to think ceaselessly of oblivion.”
Though multiple steps are needed to address deep, despairing emotion, a first step is to recognize that even faithful people, Godly people, get down and depressed, and thus stuck.
Moving Tip #2 - Be Mindful, And Learn To H.A.L.T.
The truth about despairing, dark emotion is that it grips us, pulling us down. It is critical that after we recognize it's hold on us, that we consciously, intentionally take steps (no matter how small) to interrupt it's relentless pull on life.
A first step is being mindful. Being mindful (and the accompanying mindfulness movement
(https://www.themindfulchristian.net) is just a fresh way to call us to exercise our volition, our choice, our response-ability, our will-power, and interrupt the thought process that is triggering our downward spiral. For as scripture reminds us, as a man or woman thinks, so shall they be (Proverbs 23:7). So, stop, halt, and arrest your thoughts.
A key strategy is to learn, to "...be still and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10), which in the vivid language of The Amplified Bible is even more exacting: "...Let be and be still -- [cease striving] -- and know (recognize and understand)
that I am God..." (Psalm 46 The Amplified Bible, Classic Edition, adapted).
In other words: halt (the literal meaning of yet another biblical pause: Sabbath) and comprehend a more hope-full reality -- even as hope-less 'reality' attempts to drag you down.
In other words: halt (the literal meaning of yet another biblical pause: Sabbath) and comprehend a more hope-full reality -- even as hope-less 'reality' attempts to drag you down.
Recently, Heather Funk Palacios, a passionate mental health advocate, listed a whole stream of hope-full, Godly reality, out of concern for the recent rash of suicide.
1) God’s still giving my lungs breath; 2) God’s still giving my heart beats; 3). I’m irreplaceable; 4) Pain’s now, but Joy’s comin’; 5) Someone is looking up to me cause I’m not giving up; 6) Jesus will always forgive me; 7) Jesus laid down is life for me—I live for Him; 8) I walk thru the valley I don’t live there; 9) I had a bad chapter but my story doesn’t have a bad ending; 10) Screwing up doesn’t mean giving up; 11) I’m the only version of me—I’m the only one who can be it; 12) I’m not alone, I have Jesus and the church; 13) When I am weak, He is strong, Yes, Jesus loves me.
And so I challenge you -- in some way (no matter how minute) to be mind-full of hope-full reality, when hope-less.
Addiction counselors believe this is especially important when hungry -- angry -- lonely -- or -- tired. In fact, they advise their clients to wear a rubber bracelet embossed with the first letters of each of those detriments, spelling out the needed action: H.A.L.T. Snap it, they advise, anytime you are tempted, ready, to 'give-in' to elements fueling despair! If you can't locate an actual H.A.L.T bracelet -- just wear a rubber band, and snap it, any time, you're slipping low (e.g. hunger, angry, lonely, tired). Stop any slide into despair!
Addiction counselors believe this is especially important when hungry -- angry -- lonely -- or -- tired. In fact, they advise their clients to wear a rubber bracelet embossed with the first letters of each of those detriments, spelling out the needed action: H.A.L.T. Snap it, they advise, anytime you are tempted, ready, to 'give-in' to elements fueling despair! If you can't locate an actual H.A.L.T bracelet -- just wear a rubber band, and snap it, any time, you're slipping low (e.g. hunger, angry, lonely, tired). Stop any slide into despair!
Moving Tip #3 - Begin To 'Let Go' Of The 'Yuck' Of Life.
Not surprisingly, key to moving on is letting go. Yes, letting go -- specifically -- of the swampy stuff: the resentment, worry, guilt, nostalgia (and more) that stifles and stalls life.
There are obvious texts that prompt us to let go of unhealthy behavioral patterns. For example, Ephesians 4:31 "Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting,
profane talk..." (Ephesians 4:31).
But an overlooked text prompts us to to let go of unhealthy relational patterns. It's the parable often referred to as the parable of The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). But as Helmut Thielicke notes, this parable is best described as the parable of The Waiting Father. For rather than running after his delinquent son, the father in Jesus' famed story -- lets go -- of the son (e.g. guilt, worry, etc.) -- and waits.
For brilliantly, the father knows that letting go, strategically -- especially of people and responsibilities entrusted to our safekeeping -- is not irresponsibility -- but often the most responsible thing we can do; not only for our own spiritual/emotional health, but the spiritual/emotional health of others. As Murray Bowen reflects: "...over-functioning is just a irresponsible as under-functioning..."
A classic bit of anonymous prose, reflects this:
A classic bit of anonymous prose, reflects this:
"...To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another...To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies. To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them...To let go is to fear less and love more and to let go and to let God..."
Moving Tip #4 -- Learn The Unforced Rhythms of Grace.
Yes, let go and let God. Certainly do your part -- but also know, strategically, when to let go of the varied elements of life -- at least for a spell or a season.
Now when it comes to the 'bad' stuff (bitterness, malice, resentment, etc.) it's relatively easy to identify what to jettison (though, we don't necessarily, follow through!). But when it comes to the tamer stuff (guilt, worry, nostalgia) it's tough to discern what to hold, and what to 'fold,' into the hands of the Savior.
I would advise 'folding,' giving over (at least, for a spell/season) anything that is wearing on your life -- fatiguing your life -- laboring your life -- haunting your life -- despairing life -- taking Jesus up on his invitation:
"...Are you tired? Worn out? ... Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly...” (Matthew 11:28-30, The Message, emphasis added).For ultimately, we move-on in life -- when we keep company with Jesus -- keeping our most intense focus on Him -- and not -- the resentment, worry, guilt, nostalgia of life.
"...[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly... I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us.... " (Philippians 3:10; 13-14, The Amplified Bible, Classic Edition).
So, no matter where you are stuck -- press on -- no matter how fragile, how minute...
For God is pressing on, nevertheless -- eager for us to accompany Him -- into His adventurous future!
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