What About Forgiveness?

One of the hardest things for me to accept is that people mess up; that I mess up.  But we do mess up, often badly!  As Isaiah points out: we’re “…all infected and impure…Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind” (Isaiah 64:6, NLT).   

Normally we encounter sin in two ways:  either as sinner, or the one sinned against.  As sinner: we’re the adulterer, the abuser, the one who abandons.  As the one sinner against: we’re the victim of adultery, abuse, or abandonment.   But in any event, sin is involved, and sin must be reckoned with.  If you’re the sinner you must confess and repent: I did have an affair, I did abuse, I did abandon you.  And if you’re the sinned against you must forgive.  

But here’s the rub: even if the sinner does not repent.  How outlandish! But that’s what Jesus did!  Hanging on the cross, Jesus looked at those who abused Him and said: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing…” (Luke 23:34). 

But boy is that tough; frankly any form of forgiveness is tough.  Glenn Schaeffer tells of holding up one of his favorite t-shirts, an ugly stained thing, during a children’s sermon.  “Children” Glenn said, do you know what someone said to me the other day – they said they didn’t like my t-shirt, and I should just throw it away. Boy was I hurt and I’m having trouble forgiving that person.  Do you think I should forgive that person?  Well at first none of the kids moved, but then Alicia, Glenn’s six year old daughter jumped to her feet:  “yes you should!” Alicia shouted. “yes you should forgive.” But why; that person really hurt my feelings.  I’ll tell you why” Alicia fired back:  “because you’re married to her…”  

But  even if you’re not married to her or him; even if you’re divorced -- estranged -- or wronged by her or him – you must forgive.  

Now please don’t understand:  it will take time, a lot of time.  But over time, we must forgive.  You see, as Paul notes in Colossians 3, overtime we must “clothe [ourselves] with compassion… [We must] bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances [we] may have against each other.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you…”  (Colossians 3:12-13, NIV).

Now please note, as Rick Williams clarifies, “…Forgiveness…is not forgetting…Forgiveness is…not condoning or making light of [sinful] behavior…Forgiveness is not pretending the offense did not occur…Forgiveness is not always reconciling, though reconciliation should always be attempted…”  No forgiveness is letting go, letting “…the peace of Christ rule in your [heart]… [letting] the word of Christ dwell in you richly…”  (Colossians 3:15+16) – nevertheless.

A while back, Margaret Rinck detailed the particulars of 'letting go': "...to 'let go' is not to cut off, but to conclude:  I cannot control.  To 'let go" is not to fix, but to be [available, as appropriate; to pray].  To 'let go' is not to enable, but to allow consequences [to occur].  to 'let go' is not to nag or argue, but to [be aware] of my shortcomings.  To 'let go' is not to judge, but to affirm God's calling and [timing].  To 'let go' is not to criticize [or] regulate, but to [trust and pray, more].  To 'let go' is not to arrange outcomes, but to allow folks to make choices.  To 'let go' is not to fear, [but to] love [even] more."

And so love even more, even at a distance.  For when love controls, rather than bitterness or fear, we're free rather than bound; liberated, not immobilized by wounds and pain.

For as Jesus notes, ultimate truth is not our pain, but Him: His peace...His forbearance...His destiny...His hope...His redemption.   And so claim such truth, for such "...truth will set you free..."  (John 8:32).  For when Jesus sets you free, when "...the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed..."  (John 8:36).

Be free indeed!