Words That Bless, Words That Wreck

It's striking how many of us still remember words spoken to us, or others -- from way back. 

About a month ago, I attended the funeral of my last remaining aunt, during which the officiating pastor referred to my aunt as Esther.  To be honest, at first, I didn’t know who the minister was talking about, because we never called Aunt Esther, Esther; we called her Shorty, because she was short!  

But then it dawned on me:  how might Shorty’s life had been different if we had referred to her as Esther? Because the literal meaning of Esther is not Short – but Star!  I know for me it would have made a big difference.  I mean if you’d called me Shorty ‘all my life’ I’d be a wreck.  But if you’d called me Star, I’d be hopeful -- and I’d be blessed. 

We have a choice every day with the 16,000 words we speak:  we can wreck lives or bless lives.  God’s Word encourages us to bless lives!   For its true, to quote Proverbs 12:18, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords but the tongue of the wise, brings healing…”  (Proverbs 12:18).

The healing begins as we affirm:  self-control is possible, we can  manage our tongue.  Its interesting James 3:3 uses two metaphors to describe the tongue:  as a bridle or bit – and -- as a rudder. “When we put bits into the mouths of horses…we can turn the whole animal.  Or take ships…Although they are…large and driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder, wherever the pilot wants to go.  Likewise the tongue…”   (James 3:3-5).   

I was struck by the phrase:  rudders steer ships wherever the pilot wants to go.  So to for the tongue; it too can be steered and is not to be thought of as ‘a free agent.’  But at one point in my life I was taught to think of my tongue as ‘a free agent.’  In other words:  if I had integrity – if I was truly honest – I would just tell you anything I felt – I would just let it all spill out!  

In all honesty, scripture appears conflicted at this point.   In one instance scripture encourages unfiltered talk:  “…Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ Be ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one…”  (Matthew5:37 NKJV).   Yet in another instance scripture encourages talk that is indeed filtered.  “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone…”  (Colossians 4:6).   

   

Frankly I think the way forward is not ‘either or’ – but -- ‘both/and.’ In other words:  both an unfiltered word, a clear word – and – a filtered word, a compassionate word.   

One of the joys of our recent vacation was staying at the Inn At Darden, at UVA’s Darden School of Business in Charlottesville.  One of the memorable parts of being there was the ‘wall of learning’ that filled a large corridor hallway, featuring the most important leadership lessons discovered by alumni of the business school.  A leadership learning from Martina Hund –Mejean, Chief Financial Officer of MasterCard WorldWide really stood out for me:  “My personal motto” Martina declared, “is to be straightforward, but also be compassionate…”    

Frankly, that’s God’s motto as well.  Be unfiltered and filtered – honest and merciful – straightforward and compassionate.  Or in the words of Paul, speak “…the truth in love… [and thus]…grow to become…the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ….”  (Ephesians 4:15).