How To Commit Murder

A common childhood rhyme, chimes:  ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Really?  

Reportedly, this rhyme first appeared in the March 1862 edition of The Christian Recorder, a periodical of the African Methodist Church.  It’s purpose:  to commend the wisdom of deflecting verbal jabs.   But verbal jabs cannot be deflected; they penetrate, often doing great harm, if not owned and dealt with.

As Frederick Buechner has reflected:

"...In Hebrew, the word dabar [speech] means both 'word' and 'deed.'  Thus to say something is to do something...Who knows what...words do, but whatever, it is, it cannot be undone.  Something that lay hidden in the heart is irrevocably released through speech into time, is given substance and tossed like a stone into the pool of history, where concentric rings lap out endlessly...Words are power..." from Frederick Buechner. Wishful Thinking (New York:  HarperSanFrancisco, 1993) pp. 120-121. - emphasis added

Jesus concurs.  Thus, Jesus advises, avoid verbal jabs in the first place.  Don’t take out your hate and anger on persons; in addition, don’t insult persons and call them demeaning names.  For not only does your misplaced anger and stinging words inflict pain, they actually can kill.  “I’m telling you" Jesus notes in the Sermon On The Mount, "that anyone who is…angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder…The simple moral fact is that words kill.” (Matthew 5:22, The Message).

It’s striking, that Jesus views our speech as a moral act.  For misplaced anger and hurtful verbiage, are sin.  

Though the writer of James does not explicitly use the word sin to describe unbridled speech, it's strongly inferred. 

“…the human tongue…is a restless evil [undisciplined, unstable], full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our Lord…and with it, we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God. Out of the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. These things…should not be this way [for we have a moral obligation to speak in a manner that reflects our fear of God and profound respect for His precepts]…”. (James 3:8-10, The Amplified Bible, emphasis added). 

If anyone understood the dual power of words it was Abraham Lincoln.  Certainly, Lincoln had his moments, using speech to bring damage and despair.  But, Lincoln also had a brilliant ability to choose his words, skillfully, energetically, to spark good.   The founder of the Chicago Tribune, Joseph Medill recognized this, noting that Lincoln "...seemed to reach into the clouds and take out the thunderbolts..."  Not to inflict harm, but to empower good; much good.

The key to 'taking out' and directing 'thunderbolts (wisely), in my experience, is slowing things down enough, to channel their current.  Too often 'sparks fly,' because we do not pause long enough to skillfully direct the voltage amping a difficult situation.

Currently, I am taking a 'mindfulness' class at Princeton Theological Seminary. Like most 'trendy' topics, mindfulness can be expressed through a whole bevy of definitions and applications.  But at its core, mindfulness is slowing-down thoughts, in order to be newly aware of their impact and implication.  For letting thoughts 'run wild, unbridled, in all directions, has no merit or redeeming value.  

For me, to be mindful is to reframe my thoughts, especially negative thoughts -- so they have the greatest probability of constructive verbiage and outcome.  

Recently, I ran across a listing of mindful, reframed thoughts -- and -- resultant words.  Their context: parenting/grandparenting, a frequent arena for misplaced, angry thoughts and words. Thus, the Motherly blog advises, a series of thought/word substitutions, toward kids or grandkids, when we're riled up and heated:

• Instead of -- You’re being so difficult! -- Try this: This is a tough one, huh? We’re going to figure this out together 

• Instead of -- How many times do I have to say the same thing?? -- Try this: I can see you didn’t hear me the first time. How about when I say it to you, you say it back to me? 

• Instead of -- You are impossible! -- Try this: You are having a tough time. Let’s 'hang-out' until we find a way through all this.

• Instead of -- I am at the end of my rope! -- Try this: If green is calm, yellow is frustrated, and red is angry, I’m in the yellow zone headed toward red. What color are you? What can we do to get back to green?

• Instead of -- Just stop! -- Try this: I’m here for you. I love you. You’re safe. (Then, sit in stillness with your child and allow the emotion to rise up and pass).  http://www.mother.ly/child/26-phrases-to-help-calm-your-child-when-shes-angry?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=        Motherly 

Come to think of it (speaking of wise thought) many of these responses, are applicable to adults, and not just kids.  

But -- let's just say it:  on first blush -- they sound so corny and idealistic.  Perhaps.  But it sure beats the alternative:  carelessly flung, thoughtless words, that potentially can inflict 'a whale of a lot' of harm.

And so may we be more mindful, newly aware of the connection between our thoughts and our words.  And then out of such focus, reframe our thoughts -- thus, refashioning our words --  into more constructive statements -- even in the most confounding circumstances.   

Paul coaches us, on the way forward:  

"...I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse…”  Phillipians 4:8 (The Message)  

And so, beyond the sticks and stones rhyme, we're mindful of another adage:  think before you speak. 

Frankly, that's a good word, for, beyond Paul, the psalmist reminds us:  

“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint -- and whoever has understanding is even-tempered…”  (Proverbs 17:27, emphasis added).  

Have knowledge. Have understanding.  Think before you speak.  

For sticks and stones may break may break your bones...and words...?  

Why, they have the real potential of hurting, badly -- both me...and you.