When Death Comes Close...

Death is 'easy,' when death is far.  You know, when someone else's family member, friend, mentor dies.

But when your family member, friend, mentor dies...when death comes close...death is hard.

Death came close this past weekend when my long-time mentor Loren Mead died. It's hard to describe the impact of Loren on my life.  It was both personal and professional.    

But my reaction to Loren's death, is what has really jolted me.  Sure, I have a sense of loss, but I also have a sense of fear.  Yes, fear, for death comes close,  I come close to my own mortality.  

It's hard to articulate, but when someone else's loved one or significant other passes on -- I take 'a pass' -- on facing my own 'passing.'  But when it's someone I not only know, but know well -- I have no emotional place to hide.  

And so, as I write this, I'm not hiding.  I'm 'stark naked' needing to face my 'shaky heart' and 'wobbly knees.'  A few reflections as I 'shake and wobble':

Reflection #1 -- When Death Comes Close...I Need To Confess:  I Really Don't Want To Die.

I really don't.  I mean as I grow older, I love life more than ever.

• I love...where I live.  Growing up I took for granted the beauty and convenience of Maryland (e.g. America in Miniature).  But now, I savor, more than ever, the closeness of mountains, bay and the capital of the world.  
• I love...my wife, my kids -- and now -- my grand kid!  Sure, I've never stopped loving them.  But at too many junctures, I've taken them for granted.  But these days, more than ever, I'm 'star-stuck' with the joyous benefit of having these precious souls so close, and available.  
• I love...my calling. It is a distinct honor to be an ordained minister.  For over 42 years, I have been 'set apart' by the church for dedicated service to Christ's Cause. Sadly, I've taken this identity for granted, at times.  But in recent years, more than ever, the sheer privilege of being a called-out servant for Jesus, has overwhelmed me. 
• I love...the sheer adventure and opportunity of life.  I don't why, but until recently, I've never comprehended the breath and depth of God's Earthly World.  But now, more than ever, the sheer vastness, and wonder of the Creator's Created Order astonishes me, beckons me, and fascinated me.  And frankly, I don't want to leave it!  

I think God understands my sentiment.  Sure, God wants me very much to comprehend His larger, cosmic, eternal realm.  But God understands my hesitation, even reluctance to leave His bounded, earthly, temporal realm.   For God created this realm not as 'bad' but as 'good'; in fact: very good. (Genesis 1:1-31)  

Reflection #2 - When Death Comes Close...I Need To 'Shallow My Pride' And Admit I Am Not Exempt From Suffering And Parting.  

Specifically a parting from this earthly life.  Though it sounds arrogant and weird, I have secretly believed that it will always be the other guy who will need to face into pain, loss, and death.

Somehow, I'll always be exempt.

This is a ridiculous, self-righteous thought-path, no doubt!  But there's a fairly 'understandable' reason for it:  for most of my life, I have been extremely fortunate, experiencing only a minimum of discomfort and absence.   But -- in spite of my privileged past -- that will not always be so.  

In that regard, I have been properly admonished by the words of Tim Keller:  

"...The loss of loved ones, debilitating and fatal illnesses, personal betrayals, financial reversals, and moral failures -- all of these will eventually come upon you if you live out a normal life.  No one is immune.  Therefore, no matter what precautions you take, no matter how well we have put together a good life, no matter how hard we worked to be healthy, wealthy, comfortable with friends and family, an successful with our career--something will inevitably ruin it.  No amount of money, power, and planning can prevent bereavement, dire illness, relationship betrayal, financial disaster, or a host of other troubles form entering your life.  Human life is fatally fragile and subject to forces beyond our power manage..."  (Timothy Keller. Walking With God Through Pain And Suffering.  New York:  Riverhead Books, 2013, p. 3).

At first, this can appear to be a negative, 'downer' declaration.  But in reality, it is a gift, encouraging us to anticipate all the experiences and episodes of life, in the spirit of Solomon's memorable words in Ecclesiastes 3:1 -  "...everything on earth has its time and it's own season..."  

Reflection #3 -- When Death Comes Close...It's My Choice What I Dwell On.

Let's start with total honesty: no one enjoys death, or the circumstances, discomfort, and pain leading up to death.  Even Billy Graham confessed his hesitation.  As Graham biographer Grant Wacker has observed:

"...To be sure, Graham admitted that he did not look forward to the dying process itself. He said he had seen “some of the terrible things that happen to people that are dying. I don’t want that...” https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2018/02/21/how-an-aging-billy-graham-approached-his-own-death/?utm_term=.cee0d14581fc

But Billy Graham did not fixate on the terrible part of dying -- but on the transforming aspect of our passing.  C.S. Lewis summarizes the option of such a life-changing, eternal focal point:

"...God will one day give us the Morning Star and cause us to put on the splendor of the sun...At present we are on...the wrong side of the door.  We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure.  We cannot mingle with the splendors we see.  But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumor that it will not always be so.  Someday, God willing, we shall get in...We [will be] summoned to pass in through Nature, beyond her, into that splendor which she fitfully reflects..."  (C.S. Lewis, "The Weight of God."  Found at  https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwwe.verber.com%2Fmark%2Fxian%2Fweight-of-glory.pdf, p. 8.

Therefore, with the Apostle Paul "...we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen; for the things which are visible are temporal [just brief and fleeting], but the things which are invisible are everlasting and imperishable..."  (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, The Amplified Bible).

Reflection #4 -  When Death Comes Close...I Need To Take The Next Step In Establishing A Legacy That Lasts...A Peace That Passes Understanding.  

Of course, the most important part of establishing a legacy, is assuring my legacy in Christ, eternally. But part of my legacy in Christ, is the legacy I create in Jesus -- now -- here -- as I act-out the Lord's Prayer:  "...Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven..."  (Matthew 6:10). Thus, when death comes close, I need to redouble my commitment to a Godly lifestyle -- today -- even as I anticipate a glorious, new, everlasting life -- tomorrow.

Paul gives us clues, as to how such a legacy is achieved, as he advises Timothy, as the Apostle anticipates his own death.

“…Now the time has come for me to die. My life is like a drink offering[a] being poured out on the altar. I have fought well. I have finished the race, and I have been faithful.  So a crown will be given to me for pleasing the Lord...”  (2 Timothy 4:6-8, CEV).

Note the three-fold path to legacy:  I have fought well.  I have finished the race.  I have been faithful. Translated:

• I have disciplined myself and battled temptation, even though it has been a battle. 
• I have realized that the God-life is not an 'overnight' maturation, but a long process of 'keeping on,' 'keeping on.'  I have not given up.
• I have intentionally filled my life with faith-full things and not worldly things, in spite of my fears and frailties. 

Undoubtedly, there is more to building a legacy than these three markers, but they cover a lot.  So begin with fighting well -- finishing well -- 'faith-ing' well -- in spite of '...the world, the flesh, and the devil...'  

I find that -- fight, finish and faith -- go a long way in quelling my fear when death comes close.  For they invite me to go beyond panic into possibilities and the peace of the Living God. 

Growing up, my pastor, DeWitt L. Miller used to close most worship services with the same benediction, focusing on God's peace.   Frankly, DeWitt's words are memorable words -- that I often remember -- amid life's challenges -- especially when death nears and spooks.    

 "....Go, live in the peace of God, my friends. Live deep in the peace of God. For whether in quiet or whether in strife, The peace of God is your very life. Yes, the peace of God is more than you think, More than your food, more than your drink. It is strength for your soul, It’s the bread and wine! 

Aye, the peace of God is the living sign. That your living Lord is ever near. And you need not fret, and you need not fear, When you have the sign that your Lord is here. So, go live in the peace of God, my friends. Live deep in the peace of God.  

But the peace of God is for those who obey, Who listen and hear the voice each day, Who listen and walk by their Master’s side, Who have heard the call and have not denied. Yes, the one who lives in the peace of God. Is the one who walks where the Master trod.  

So, go live in the peace of God, my friends. Live deep in the peace of God..."

May it be so for you, my friends.  Especially -- when death comes close.