Being Different -- Makes All The Difference!

More learnings, from my 10-month Bowen family system training at Rutgers.

And this one is a biggie!  The importance of being different.

Now the technical term is differentiation.  But don't worry:  it has a 'down to earth' meaning.

In essence, differentiation means:  living from the inside out -- as one relies more on his/her inner guidance system -- rather than -- an over-dependence on the applause and approval of others. 

Let that sink in:  for a lot us -- I included -- really are dependent on -- needing greatly -- the 'thumbs-up' -- the blessing -- the liking -- the approval -- of others.  

Examples:

• You really like the green dress, but your great-aunt likes the red dress -- so to please your aunt -- you buy the red dress.
• You really 'have your doubts' about military force, but your Vietnam-veteran father still believes conventional weaponry is the best weaponry -- so to please your father -- you enlist in the Marines.  
• You really know it's time to leave your job, but your best-friend says, if you do, you're a quitter -- so to please your friend -- you stay on and 'grind away.' 

It's striking, how much scripture has to say about the need to differentiate -- to stand apart from the opinion of others -- to take our cues from an inner guidance system -- a spiritual, soulish guidance system -- grounded in Christ's other way of living.    

One of the ouchy Biblical passages in this regard, central to Anabaptist heritage, is found in 2 Corinthians 6 "...Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord..." (1 Corinthians 6:17). J.C. Wenger refers to this requirement, in his classic, Separated Unto God, as non-conformity, a central expression of following Jesus.

"...[For] noncomformity...is a natural outcome of having been born again and of being alert to the spritual issues which confront Christian living in a given culture..."  

Now, it used to be that Christ-followers would express non-conformity through visible distinctive features such as clothing.  In fact, to this day, there are persons who wear prayer coverings, caped dresses, plain coats, and distinctive beards, to stand apart from dominant culture.   

But all of us are called to adopt some expression of non-conformity -- to demonstrate and announce -- that we are living by an inner-guidance system, dependent on no human voice or approval -- but only the approval of God.  I love the way Peter declares this, without apology, in Acts 6:

“…Then someone came and said, “Look! The men...are standing in the temple courts teaching the people.” … The apostles were brought in and...questioned by the high priest. “We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name,”…Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than human beings!...When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death…”  (Acts 6:25-33)

But in spite of the disapproval -- the angry disapproval of leading authority figures -- Peter and the Apostle preserved.  And so must we, when authority figures around us -- religious folk, political folk, family folk -- attempt to counter our inner-compass.  

For unless we differentiate ourselves appropriately from the voices of others -- becoming our own person,  in Christ -- we will always be 'tossed to and fro' in life -- rather than moving forward in life -- in vibrant, health-giving ways.  A few difference-maker tips -- for moving forward.

Difference-Maker Tip #1 - Don't Expect The Majority To Embrace A Minority Opinion.  

I hate to break this to you, but Jesus' opinion is not the majority opinion.  Thus, as Christ-followers, don't expect the majority of your friends, co-workers -- or even family members -- to relish your allegiance to Jesus, and His other way of living.  Jesus predicted this response.

"...Enter through the narrow gate. For...small is the gate and narrow and difficult to travel is the path that leads the way to [everlasting] life, and there are few who find it..."  (Matthew 7:13-14).

I remember when I was lamenting that I seemed to be the only one following through on a particular aspect of Christian practice.  Turning to me, my counselor paraphrased Matthew 7:13-14, saying in so many words:  "Why are your surprised.  Jesus said you'd be in the minority."  And then it dawned on me -- for the first time -- that Jesus' teaching in these verses was not a hypothetical prospect -- but a literal reality, in the present tense -- for my life and being.

The problem:  much of Christianity is presented as a mass, feel-good experience, with the Lord as our Shepherd comforting us.

Now, please do not misunderstand: the Lord does Shepherd us, and the Lord does comfort us.  But in the context of costly discipleship  -- requiring that we surrender all. Jesus words in Luke 14 are hard to 'swallow,' but, nevertheless, the DNA of living faithfully -- in Him:

“Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters [e.g. our most precious 'necessities''/'attachments'] —yes, even one’s own self!—can’t be my disciple. [For] anyone who won’t shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can’t be my disciple.  (Luke 14:26-27, The Message).

 Radical, demanding, minority 'stuff' -- but -- the 'stuff' of genuinely transformed life.

Difference-Maker Tip #2 -  Affirm:  A 'Narrow' Jesus Is Wide In His Call For All To Come Into His Embrace.

One of the great struggles of contemporary Christianity is grasping that a narrow Jesus (e.g., let go of all, and follow me) -- is also an inclusive Jesus.

But not in an "anything goes' sense -- but -- in a 'whosoever will come' sense. Revelation 22 accents God's inclusive invitation, in marked fashion:

"...The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” Everyone who hears this should say, “Come!”  If you are thirsty, come! If you want life-giving water, come and take it. It’s free!  (Revelation 22:17, CEV).

For as John underscores in the classic words of John 3:16-17:

“…This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again…”  (John 3:16-17, The Message).

And so, yes,  the Jesus Difference is Narrow, in its boundaries -- but -- Wide, in its embrace -- and it's desire for all to know a 'right,' whole, and lasting life, in Him. 

Difference-Maker Tip #3 -- Stay 'Prayed Up,' Expecting 'Persecution,' But Don't Live Like A Victim.

Living as a minority (e.g., as a Christ-follower) is a draining proposition.  Thus, we need to stay 'prayed up,' 'filled-up' -- through constant communion with the one who's opinion means more than any other opinion: the Lord God, Almighty!

Christ's promises such focus will bring rich rewards but in the most ironic fashion.  For strangely, but truly -- we are strong when we are weak -- we are first when we are last -- we are blessed when we are put down.  Jesus promises such paradox, in the Sermon On The Mount:

“People will insult you and hurt you. They will lie and say all kinds of evil things about you because you follow me. But when they do that, know that great blessings belong to you.  Be happy about it. Be very glad because you have a great reward waiting for you in heaven. People did these same bad things to the prophets who lived before you. (Matthew 5:11-12, ERV)

This verse 'came alive' for me in 1989 as I attended the Second International Congress on World Evangelization in Manila, The Philippines.  While there, I heard the testimony of Chen Min Lin, a Chinese pastor who'd been imprisoned for his faith. As Pastor Chen shared his story, we learned that he was captive for eighteen years, severely tortured, culminating in a horrid work assignment: shoveling sewerage out of the prison camp’s cesspool for ten hours a day. The stench was putrid, even profane. 

But Pastor Chen persevered, coming closer to Jesus amid the inhumanity of his plight. Pastor Chen did so by singing his favorite gospel song; but an odd song for a cesspool, “In the Garden.” 

"...I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses. And the voice I hear, falling on my ear, the Son of God discloses. And He walks with me, and He talks with me; And He tells me I am His own. And the joy we share, as we tarry there, none other has ever known..." 

And with that, Pastor Chen testified: a sewerage of death became a garden of life, as he drew closer to the Creator. 

Chen Min Lin’s life experience illustrates we needn't be a victim amid persecution and minority status.  We can be a victor, nevertheless, through the grace and strength of a God who does not abandon but walks with us, through the deepest stench of life.  

Sure, we might not be able to match Pastor Lin's faith amid persecution, but we can muster some new level of resolve -- avoiding a winey, victim mentality.  

• "...For I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day..."  (2 Timothy  1:12) 
•  “...[For He]...is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us..." (Ephesians 3:20)
• [For] your right hand, O Lord, is majestic in power, Your right hand, O Lord, shatters the enemy. (Exodus 15:6) 

Even when we are a minority...even when we are persecuted...even when we are different.

For ultimately, just being different -- doesn't make all the difference.  

Being in different -- in Christ -- and His power -- makes all the difference...

...enabling us to enter another way of living -- for His glory and our neighbors good!