Should Donald Trump Attend John McCain's Funeral?

The question is a provocative one:  should Donald Trump attend John McCain's funeral?

Provocative, since the option of Donald Trump attending John McCain's funeral, appears non-existent.  As the New York Times reported:  "...Sources close to McCain have said Trump would not be invited to the funeral..." https://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2018/08/25/us/politics/25reuters-usa-mccain.html.  

Since then, some have parsed that statement, saying Trump was not explicitly disinvited, but the predominant sentiment is that McCain and his family would not welcome Trump at McCain's funeral.   The reasons vary but seem rooted in the President's public ridicule of McCain, on several occasions, including a jab at McCain's stature as a war hero, because McCain was captured. http://time.com/4993304/john-mccain-donald-trump-feud-remarks/

Trump has kept jabbing, fueled by McCain's negative vote, impacting the repeal of Obamacare, and other 'anti-Trump' remarks -- culminating in this week's mixed recognition, by Trump, of McCain's passing.  The most dramatic expression was the erratic positioning of the American flag at the White House.  First, the President lowered the flag to half-staff -- then raised it to full-staff -- then lowered it again to half-staff -- only after loud criticism, including from Trump allies, like the American Legion. https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2018/08/28/us/politics/ap-us-trump-mccain.html

Well, you get the point.  John McCain and Donald Trump have been involved in a 'grudge-match,' returning barbs for years, frankly, in a childish way.  https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/08/mccain-was-a-republican-foe-trump-could-not-forgive/568591/

Which reminds us: our children are watching -- wondering in an elementary way -- why adults are no different from their undeveloped behavior.

Well, why are we -- so often -- no better than children in settling our differences: holding grudges -- getting back at each other -- being spiteful -- throwing temper tantrums?

I think it's because, at the heart of our natural, carnal, human nature is an aversion to getting hurt -- of being 'put-down' -- of being rejected.   

You could argue it all goes back to junior high school (now middle school) gym class -- when we were not picked to be apart of the intramural basketball team -- or baseball team -- or kickball team -- or badminton team, etc.  There's a deep wound that results, that never quite heals -- prompting us -- if we are not mindful, in Christ -- to wound someone else.

A while back, Frontline, the award-winning PBS documentary series took this tact on then-candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

“…The piece opens on Trump, with a provocative suggestion that he became committed to his current presidential run in 2011 when President Barack Obama savaged him from the podium at the White House Correspondents' Dinner...[using]...the bully pulpit of the presidency to shred Trump, who was sitting in the audience…  http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/tv/z-on-tv-blog/bal-frontline-clarity-clinton-trump-the-choice-20160926-story.html

The documentary then goes on to expose the 'wounds' of Hillary Clinton, and how they needled and provoked her career.

The point:  wounds not recognized/owned -- are wounds that wound -- in a vicious cycle of:  'you get me -- I get you -- you get me,'  etc.

Recently, I ran across a simple, but brilliant quote on Twitter, by Heather Funk Palacios that suggests an alternative route, when offended and pierced by another.  When wronged, wounded or wiped-out...

"...Let it hurt -- then let it go -- or let God use it..."

Let's unpack those words:

Let It Hurt

When 'done in' by someone else -- don't deny what has occurred. It was humiliating -- infuriating -- and down-right wrong!

So often, we tend to deny or downplay the weight of wrong, saying in so many words:  'it wasn't that bad.'

But it was that bad.

So, bad, we are willing to 'be bad' to get back -- to get even -- with the wounding party -- in return.

A better route is to be direct, with God and the wrongdoer, if possible.

Scripture models directness with God.  The transparency of David with God in the depths of his hurt is real and inspiring:   Mack Tomlinson lists some examples, from the Psalms:

"...I cried aloud 3:4 / I was in distress 4:1 / Consider my groaning 5:1 / I am languishing 6:2 / My bones are troubled 6:2 / Soul is greatly troubled 6:3 / I’m weary from my groaning 6:6 / I flood my bed with tears 6:6 / See my affliction 9:13 / There’s sorrow in my heart all day 13:2 / I find no rest 22:2 / I am lonely and afflicted 25:16 / The troubles of my heart are enlarged 25:17 / I cried to you for help 30:2..."  https://gfmanchester.com/when-david-was-hurting-the-importance-of-being-honest-with-god-in-prayer-mack-tomlinson

Scripture also models directness with our wrongdoer. Matthew 18:15-19 gives us classic, practical methodology.  

But 'circling back' to David, Nathan's words to David, in 2 Samuel 12, illustrates the tenor and tone of our words -- as we're called -- to express hurt, candidly, authentically.  After David thinks Nathan is referring to someone else as wrongdoer, in a tale Nathan is spinning, Nathan clarifies clearly, the offender.  

"...Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!...You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own…" (2 Samuel 12:7)

Sure, it is not always possible to confront a wrong-doer in this way.  But whenever possible -- and/or advisable -- we need to go directly to God -- and each other -- with our pain,.

Let It Go

After letting it hurt -- and letting God and others know it hurts --, we need to let the hurt go. 

Frankly, this is one of the hardest disciplines to develop, in our Christian walk.  But develop the discipline we must.

For me, I develop faster when I confess what letting go is not.  

• To let go is not to cut myself off; it is the realization that I can't control another. 
• To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
• To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. 
• To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself... 
• To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them…
• To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be… 
• To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. 
• To let go is to fear less and love more.

          (Adapted. Chuck Swindoll.  'The Grace Awakening')  

I quoted these words in previous blogs, but they bear repeating.  For the lessons of letting go, are some of the hardest lessons to ever learn in our Christian walk. 

Let God Use It

Four of the most important words I ever internalized are:  "Nothing Is Ever Wasted."  The very thing that I thought -- or another person thought -- would wound and injury my life forever -- is the very thing, in the hands of God, has become a means of advancing abundant, God-honoring life.  

The story of the Old Testament Joseph is the classic narrative illustrating this truth.  Why Joseph's brothers cast Joseph into the very pit of slavery -- fully intending to wound and ruin his life, forever.  

But God used even that horrific act, to advance Joseph's life and God's purposes.  As Joseph himself said to his anxious brothers, in the wake of discovering God's redemption, in spite of deadening pain:  

"...But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives..." (Genesis 50:19-20, emphasis added).

But the most amazing words, are yet to come.  In spite of his brother's dastardly, vicious, mean, insulting, cruel, sinful, wounding actions -- Joseph does not respond 'in kind.'   Rather, Joseph responds in a startling, life-altering, totally undeserved fashion:

"...So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them...."  (Genesis 50:21, emphasis added).

Amazing!  

Rather than 'killing' his adversaries with vengeance or violence -- Joseph 'kills' his adversaries with kindness.   

Can you imagine how life would change if we 'killed' each other in such fashion -- rather than using weapons of conventional warfare?

Or...taking flags up and down the flag-pole -- half-staff...full-staff...half-staff...

Or...'banning' folks from funerals...

And so, it's not a matter of should Donald Trump attend John McCain's funeral.  

It's more a matter of:  wouldn't it be startling -- stunning -- nation-altering -- if Donald Trump attended John McCain's funeral?

Sure, it probably won't happen.  https://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2018-08-30/trump-says-mccain-flag-flap-wasn-t-fumble-after-disagreements  

But I would encourage the President -- or any person -- in a feuding relationship -- to at least ask.


"...Might I come? I know things are strained. Deeply. But I want us to do better. Really. And I want to begin -- by attending -- and showing my respects."